Sexual Minorities of All Stripes (and Circles and Squiggles) Grasping sexuality and developing new models of relating have been the mainstay of my feminism and my spiritual path. They are an awakening to the possibilities of who I can be and an abundant source of energy for life. Working with a richness of possibilities that my clients bring – far more than I could even imagine – makes being a therapist to our communities a very rewarding experience.
Polyamorists of All Lifestyles I am, with Janet W. Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut, the classic handbook for pioneers in new paradigms of families, relationships, and sexual freedom. I have been nonmonogamous myself since 1969 and have been teaching others about it ever since: I taught my first formal workshop on unlearning jealousy in 1973. I can offer support in building the lifestyle and the family you have always wanted.
Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Pansexual, Queer, and Questioning Over the years I have lived in many communities. I’ve been an active part of women’s, bi, and pansexual cultures, lived communally with gay men for fifteen years, and, of course, have been immersed in polyamorous and leather communities. I am profoundly grateful to all of the different people in my life from whom I have learned so much: friends, family, lovers, colleagues, and clients. There are so many ways for people to connect, and I have developed deep respect for love in all her manifestations.
A good therapist pays attention to cultural competence. I have invested a lot of energy in learning about cultures beyond the one I grew up in - not only in the many cultures defined by sexual lifestyle, but also the fabulous diversity of ethnicities and cultures from all over the world. I learned, to my delight, that there are literally thousands of different ways to love, connect, form relationships, solve problems, build families, and be ourselves
S/M Tribes, BDSM, D/s, M/s, and Leather Faeries
I have been active in the S/M community since 1974, and am well-versed in the entire spectrum of safe, sane, and consensual BDSM lifestyles. In my practice I can offer support for those coming out or exploring new parts of themselves in S/M and erotic role play.
I have co-authored four books about S/M, including The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book, described below. I have been working as a therapist with BDSM players since 1991. I can offer support for those coming out in S/M or developing new roles in their play. I can help partners who are working out their play together. I also work on those life issues - anxiety, depression, etc. - that bring most people into therapy. To leather people, that means access to a therapist who understands and supports their lifestyle.
One of the most wonderful gifts of SM role play is that we can have room for all of our wondrously diverse selves. I can help you find ways to express minority parts of yourself in scene space and learn from your play more about who you are and who you can be.
Transgender, Transexual, Genderfluid, Intersex, and Genderqueer Folks, and Those Who Love Them
I believe that our society has made so many rules about how we are supposed to (and emphatically not supposed to) express our gender that we no longer know what gender is. What we do know is that all of us care a lot about our gender, and have a strong need to be recognized by others in the same way that we see ourselves inside. Gender is essential to our sense of identity. Transgender people invest in dedicated, difficult, and sometimes dangerous work to express gender as it fits for each of them.
Transgender people are forging new trails for all of us and deserve our support. My life has been mightily enriched by my transgender sisters and brothers, and I have been privileged to work with many clients who are transitioning into living completely as their true selves. I can offer support to clients who are inquiring into their genders, planning a transition, starting on hormones, researching surgeries, creating new genders, and carving out a place in the world for themselves in their gender of choice.
Sex Workers and Those Who Love Them Artists in the sexual realm and practitioners of the sexual healing arts are often the most pathologized of our sexual minorities, even though they carry tremendous wisdom gleaned from walking this not often acknowledged path.
I am familiar with the world and cultures of sex work and have experience as a therapist with sex workers, their significant others, and their clients. Starting from a positive position on sex work, I recognize the many difficulties sex workers, and their clients, friends, and lovers, may face. I have particular experience with sex workers who are working their way through college or graduate school and making difficult decisions about closets while theybecome professionals in another discipline,
Spiritual Travelers: Pagans, Buddhists, Yogis, Tantrikas, Meditators, and More There is always more. When it comes to religion, I am a pluralist. I understand that no one has a monopoly on spiritual truth, not even me. This is what makes me a pagan, studying old and new paths that others have taken to connect to spirit.
Many different paths lead up the same mountain. My own path has led me through psychedelics, research in medieval mystics, Buddhism, Tantra, various forms of yoga, assorted gods and goddesses, and connection with Nature and animal spirit medicine.
I believe that sex is sacred, and that all sexual connections provide spiritual awakening.
As a psychotherapist, I can offer support in developing visualizations, meditations, and ritual practices that are useful in understanding your own emotional journey and in interpreting the symbols found in your dreams and visions.